I feel defeated. I failed the blood tests – my neutrophils are low again – so no chemo today. The doctor prescribed an extended break to allow my body to recover so my next treatment is booked for almost 2 weeks’ time. Grrr!
Had she allowed treatment to go ahead, it’d have knocked my overall white blood cell count right off the wrong end of the chart and put me in a very susceptible-to-infection state. It feels like a lose-lose situation this week.
Contrasting reactions: Chemo-pal B was there today and talked me down as I was leaving feeling angry, frustrated and quite hard-done by. From previous encounters, we seem to share a similar temperament so she knew how to rationalise it for me. She’d been talking to a man who’d been handed the same news as I but he and his wife seemed totally unaffected on the surface and said they accept things as they come. Usually I admire calm and collected. I’m not sure that I do in this case. We’re just different.