Chemo #26 – Mission Aborted


Yesterday’s CT scan showed a couple of cystic growths.  In this instance, growth doesn’t equate to tumour; just literally an increase in size.  And cystic, I’m told, means it could be fluid.  In case you’re confused by the vagueness, it didn’t mean much to me either.  My bloods were good enough to receive (what was to be the penultimate) chemo today but she’s holding off over concern about my recent tumour marker level. 

Two bits of unwelcome news.  Firstly, she’s changing my drugs (for the second time).  Disbelief.  The protocol is 6 cycles – the usual – and so I’m starting another 6 months of this all over again.  Shock.  One of the drugs causes very dry skin.  I’m imagining fish scales but we’ll see!  Horror.  It’s also not readily available in the country and special application has to be made.  I’m torn; the more effective drug has this horrible side effect but I really want to get better.  So do I hope for its approval or not?  Yes, I know the answer but I do tire of the positive stuff.  Deflated.

Secondly, that swollen gland that had me off to the GP a year ago seems to be one of the inflamed masses.  She prodded me properly to check in which direction it had grown.  I think she was unconvinced because she sent me off to the surgeon next who did more prodding.  I’m booked into theatre next week to have it removed.  It’s a superficial op unlike the others I had so I should be home after a night in the ward.  The upside?  Since the paperwork for the new drugs will take a few weeks, I have time to have this op.  How convenient.

Much is going through my head.
I’m annoyed that they didn’t remove it in the first place.  Hello, if they forgot (or whatever) during the first op, they had another TWO opportunities to do so.
I’m hoping this is the cause of inflammation that raised the tumour marker.
I’m nervous of being back in theatre with the risk of contracting some superbug again especially now with my compromised immune system.
I feel quite bashed about and powerless.  I hate being out of control – especially of my own health.

When I eventually walked out to go home, the cool rain remedied my mood slightly.  It’s been hot and humid recently and in the respite, I thought the sky might be sympathising with me.  A tiny consolation.


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