If one more person tells me this, I won’t be responsible for my actions.
I’ve had 4 years of this crap now and for the second time. What other healthy person has dealt with the frustration of an extended hospital stay, numerous operations, 4 lines of failed chemo, hair loss, brain fog, depleted energy, a pushy doctor as part of their “support” team, and no progress.
I’m angry and I’m sad and not a single soul can help me with it. So shove the positive gratitude speeches. I’ve heard them all and written most of them myself. I’m over it. This is the reality.
I’m not in the clear. Even if I were, there’s still the aftermath. If I try to start ANYthing – a new job, insurances, relationships, moving to a different country – I’m either peered at from a safe distance or not even given a second glance. I’m like the Invisible Man but without the superpower. Pointless. It doesn’t matter how skilled I am or what strengths I may have gained from this shit, people run scared. Make no mistake, there is NO CURE FOR CANCER so don’t tell me I should hold out for one. The only thing I have to look forward to is a claim of remission and even that’s not a given.
All is not what it seems. Happy bloody new year.