Chemo #37 – flunked

Hello, rollercoaster.  It’s been a while.  I was hoping not to see you again over this health issue.

Having sailed through the past 6-or-so treatments, I’ve been feeling pretty strong but failed my blood tests this morning.  So, no chemo tomorrow.

I’m thoroughly confused about what the hell’s happened to crash my neutrophil and white blood counts.  There’re no dietary or lifestyle adjustments one can make to boost these counts.  The body just needs time to manufacture more.  The fact that I’ve just come off the standard 2-week break at the end of a cycle is what’s confusing me.  And I have no extra unusual symptoms.

I’m annoyed at the doctor’s instructions to avoid crowds and malls.  I’m not a mall rat and I don’t enjoy bumping shoulders in throngs of people anyway, but short of hermitting (which I refuse to do, for my own sanity), there really ISN’T much I can change.

I wish I could take vitamin & mineral supplements to boost my immune system (ruled by white blood cells) but those would fight the chemo drugs.  Aaaargh!!

To top it off, tomorrow was to be the start of my ABF 2 cycles of chemo which I agreed (with myself) to add on as extra precaution.  Thanks, Murphy…  Sniff, sniff.

I could always change my mind and just stop right now…  I’ll sleep on it.  I have until next Thursday’s battery of blood tests to ponder.

I’ve had so much positive activity keeping me occupied recently that I’ve not paid attention to this disease.  That’s a good thing – because I rule me, it doesn’t – but it’s also the reason I’ve taken the results of this week as a slap in the face.  What am I not seeing?

If you happen to see me in the next few days looking a little sad, it’s really the strain of trying to get to grips with it.  Leave me be.  I’m in my head getting over it.